What You’ll Be Asked (and How to Get the Best Roast Possible)
The more you give, the better the burn.
We’ll craft the perfect Roast Book using your answers, and no, you don’t have to answer everything.
But the juicier the info, the more brutal (and hilarious) the results.
Here’s what you’ll see in the form:
1. Your Order Number
Why we ask:
To match your answers with your purchase. It keeps things neat on our side.
Example: #CRB123456
2. Who’s Getting Roasted?
2a. Victim’s Name or Nickname
Why we ask:
To know who’s about to get flamed.
Example:
“Daniel”
“Big Stu”
“My boss Steve”
2b. Your Name + Relationship to the Victim
Why we ask:
We want to add context to your dynamic (and maybe roast you too).
Example:
“Sophie, best mate”
“Ben, daughter’s boyfriend”
2c. Do They Have Children? Ages?
Why we ask:
Optional, but gives extra material if you want us to tease them for their parenting.
Example:
“Two kids, 5 and 9”
“No kids, but acts like one”
2d. Victim’s Age (or Rough Guess)
Why we ask:
Age-specific burns are too good to pass up.
Example:
“34”
“Mid-40s (but denies it)”
2e. What Is Their Gender?
Why we ask:
So we get the pronouns and style of roast right.
Example:
“Male”
“Female”
“Non-binary”
3. How Do They Earn a Living?
Why we ask:
Jobs = endless roast gold.
Example:
“Insurance Broker”
“Teacher who thinks they run the world”
“Freelancer (aka unemployed)”
💡 Pro Tip: Be specific! The weirder their job, the funnier the roast.
4. Do They Drive? How Do They Get Around?
Why we ask:
Cars, bikes, scooters… transport disasters = classic material.
Example:
“Drives a Volvo like it’s a Ferrari”
“Still doesn’t have a license at 35”
“E-scooter menace”
5. Favourite TV Shows, Movies, Books, or Musicians
Why we ask:
Fandom obsessions make perfect punchlines.
Example:
“Thinks they’re Tony Soprano”
“Obsessed with Lord of the Rings”
“Refuses to listen to anything post-90s”
💡 Pro Tip: Include guilty pleasures. (Love Island fans… we see you.)
6. Roast Fuel
6a. Legendary Stories, Embarrassing Moments, Running Jokes
Why we ask:
This is where we get the REALLY good stuff.
Example:
“Once fell off a horse at a party”
“Thinks he’s a wine connoisseur but only buys £5 bottles”
💡 Pro Tip: The more personal, the more savage we can be.
6b. Weird Habits, Pet Peeves, Guilty Pleasures
Why we ask:
Weird = comedy gold.
Example:
“Hates onions like they’re out to get him”
“Only eats pizza with a knife and fork”
6c. Catchphrases or Things They Always Say
Why we ask:
Their signature lines become killer punchlines.
Example:
“‘I’ll do it tomorrow’ (they never do)”
“‘Not my problem’ (it always is)”
7. Funniest Belief, Superstition, or Delusion
Why we ask:
We LOVE roasting wild personal myths.
Example:
“Swears they could’ve gone pro in football”
“Convinced they have psychic powers”
💡 Pro Tip: The stranger, the better. We promise to handle with care (and savage precision).
8. What Is Their Social Media Presence Like?
Why we ask:
Real life vs. Instagram life = perfect roast territory.
Example:
“Instagram influencer with 237 followers”
“Serial Facebook ranter”
“Constant blurry food pics”
9. Do They Have a Favourite Bar, Restaurant, or Place?
Why we ask:
Location jokes always land.
Example:
“Spends half their life in Wetherspoons”
“Knows the bartender at their ‘local’ better than their own family”
10. Describe Their Personality
Why we ask:
Helps us nail tone + style of roast.
Example:
“Loud, self-proclaimed alpha (he’s not)”
“Chill to the point of never replying to texts”
“Office drama queen”
11. Distinctive Physical Traits
Why we ask:
Optional, but adds spice. (We keep it tasteful.)
Example:
“Grey hair at 28”
“Famous for their awful tattoos”
“6’4 but still can't reach their life goals”
12. Any Final Thoughts?
12a. Anything You Want to Add to Dictate the Tone?
Why we ask:
This helps us customise the “savage” levels.
Example:
“Keep it playful, family-friendly”
“Go absolutely savage — no mercy!”
12b. Anything You Want Us to Avoid?
Why we ask:
We never cross certain lines.
Example:
“Do not mention health issues”
“Don’t joke about their breakup”
12c. How Hard Do You Want Us to Go?
Why we ask:
You pick the heat level:
Mild → Playful & safe
Medium → Edgy but not hurtful
Savage → Brutal (at your own risk)
Final Pro Tips
The more detail you give, the better your roast will be.
Be brutally honest… we won’t tell.
Don’t stress: you can skip anything you’re not sure about.
Remember: no info = more generic jokes / lots of info = pure, personalised pain.
How You’ll Get the Questionnaire
Once you’ve placed your order, we’ll email you a confirmation that includes a link to your roast questionnaire.
You can complete it at your convenience.The faster you fill it in, the faster we can start writing pure roast gold.
Check your inbox (and your spam folder, just in case)!
FAQ's
What is a Custom Roast Book?
A Custom Roast Book is a one-of-a-kind, personalised roast turned into a professionally printed book.
You tell us who the victim is, give us the inside scoop, and we transform it into 60–80 brutal, hilarious, tailor-made roast jokes. Then we print it, bind it, and ship it directly to their (or your) door.
How does the ordering process work?
- Place your order.
- Once you check out, you’ll receive an order confirmation email with a link to your Roast Form.
- Fill out the form with as many juicy details as you can (or as few — we’ve got backup jokes).
- Our team roasts them to perfection.
- We print the book and ship it straight to you.
What kind of info do you ask for in the form?
We’ll ask about their name, age, job, hobbies, weird habits, legendary stories, and anything else worth mocking.
The form is quick and fun, and you don’t have to answer everything. The more you give us, the better the roast.
What’s the difference between Standard and Premium?
- Standard Roast Book: Softcover (paperback), high-quality, durable print, perfect for laughs on a budget.
- Premium Roast Book: Hardcover, matte finish, sleek and sturdy, a roast worthy of display (or long-term trauma).
The content inside is the same; it’s just the packaging that changes.
How savage are we talking?
You get to choose the level of pain:
🧁 Mild: Playful teasing. Safe for work, family, and sensitive egos.
🔥 Medium: Biting sarcasm and sharp digs. Not too harsh, not too soft.
🔥🔥 Savage: Ruthless. No filter. Full ego destruction. You've been warned.
How long does it take?
- Roast writing: 1–3 business days
- Printing & shipping (UK only): 9–12 business days
Total turnaround: usually within 2 weeks from the day you submit your roast form.
Do you ship outside the UK?
Not yet. Right now we only ship within the UK; but we’re working on international delivery. Sign up to our newsletter to be notified when that changes.
Can I return it?
Because every book is completely custom-written and printed to order, we don’t accept returns for change of mind.
However — if your book arrives damaged, or you’re genuinely unhappy with it, get in touch within 30 days and we’ll make it right.
Check out our Returns Policy for the full details.
What if I don’t give you much info?
That’s totally fine; we’ve got a stockpile of 100+ handcrafted general roast jokes ready to drop in.
But the more personal details you provide, the more brutal (and hilarious) your book will be.
Do you use AI?
Yes — but not the soulless kind.
We use a custom AI roasting tool to help generate and shape the jokes, but every book is reviewed and edited by a real human to make sure it’s sharp, funny, and actually makes sense.
AI helps us write faster. Humans make it sting.
What does the book actually look like?
Every book includes:
- A custom cover
- 60–80 savage jokes tailored to your victim
- A funny intro and outro
- High-quality printing (standard or hardcover)
It’s a gift they’ll never forget — or forgive.
For any further assistance, please feel free to reach out!
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You Spill the Tea
Fill out our hilariously simple form.
Tell us who the victim is, what they do, what they drive, what annoys you most about them, and any legendary moments that need immortalising. The more you give us, the harder we can hit.
Don’t stress. Nothing’s required. But the more roast fuel you provide, the more flames we can throw.
✅ Takes 3–5 minutes
✅ No judgment (unless you want us to add some) -
We Write the Book of Their Nightmares
Our writers — assisted by our custom RoastBot™ AI — turn your answers into a savage, funny, and fully personal roast book.
That means jokes tailored to your dad, boss, mate, ex, or anyone else unlucky enough to be in your life.
Every book is curated by a real human, so the humour hits exactly where it should (and hurts exactly how it needs to).
✅ 60–80 original jokes
✅ Real stories turned into roast gold
✅ Mild, Medium, or Savage — you choose the heat -
We Print & Ship
We print your roast on beautiful, high-quality paper and bind it into a sleek little book of emotional damage. Then we ship it — free anywhere in the UK.
They’ll never see it coming. Until it lands in their letterbox and ruins their day.
✅ Premium quality paperback
✅ Custom cartoon-style cover
✅ Free UK delivery
✅ Delivered direct to their door (or yours)
Give them the book they never asked for, and will never forget.
